sauce

a handful of y'all may have seen this one already since i couldn't resist posting it on my tiktok and bluesky earlier this week, but this is inspired by this skeet by the goat Taco Bell Quarterly. i was bored, i wanted to write, i cranked out 200 words that turned into 350(ish) words. it's very silly and dumb and was written in like 20 minutes but i'm quite fond of it for what it is. enjoy!

-

What’s the name of that sauce?

What?


The name. Of the sauce. You know the one.

I really don’t—


Yes you do, you absolutely do.

I can’t read your mind, dude.


Ughhhhhh.

Describe it, then.


Describe it how?

I don’t know! The fuckin’…taste or color or whatever.


It’s red I’m pretty sure. And it tastes good.

I’m gonna need a little more than that, man.


Like what?

Do you seriously not know how to describe something?


You literally just said “I don’t know” when I asked for clarification.

Because it’s something you should be able to do intuitively!


Stop yelling at me!

Okay, I’m sorry! I’m sorry.


It’s cool. I just don’t like feeling attacked, man.

I’m not trying to attack you, I’m trying to help. I’m sorry.


You’re forgiven.

What did the sauce taste like?


Does.

What?


What does the sauce taste like. It still currently exists.

Whatever. Answer the question.


It tastes like…

Yeah?


…sauce.

Not helpful.


I don’t know how to describe it, it just tastes good!!!

I swear to God, man.


Don’t bring God into this, He doesn’t need to see us like this.

Huh. I didn’t know you thought God was a man.


What else would He be?

A woman.


I guess. God feels non-binary to me, lowkey.

True…


And pronouns don’t equal gender.

We’re getting off topic. What does the sauce look like?


Red.

You said that already.


Like an orange-y red.

Lots of sauces are that color. What does the package look like?


I don’t remember.

Really try.


I don’t remember!

You don’t remember right now. But you can, if you believe in yourself. And I believe in you. Just close your eyes, man…


Okay.

…


…

See anything?


A bottle.

What kind?


It’s…glass. And inside it is the sauce.

Yeah, that’s good.


And the bottle has a wrapper on it…oh my God…

Are you okay, dude?


Oh my God, it’s coming back to me!

Yes!!! Yes, dude!!! What is it?


I can see it, I can see it!!

What does it say?


It says, fuckin’…

The suspense is killing me, man!!!

It’s…
fuckin’…
FRANK’S RED HOT!!!!!

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